The Cowardly Lion Partner

While it can be amusing to see women jump on a chair if they see a mouse (I am one of those women), cowards aren’t just people who are afraid of the dirty little rodents, snakes, or spiders. Sometimes people have good reasons for being afraid. Near drownings can keep people away from bodies of water forever. House fires can ensure that some people live candle-free lives. Yeah we all have some fears. Usually they don’t have any real impact on us, or those we care about.

However…some fears are relationship killers.

How many of us have been in relationships where our Romeo or Juliet always keeps a part of themselves back? We know they’re not really committed, and we blame ourselves. Obviously we failed to do something right, so we try to figure out where we went wrong…and fix it. After all, if we were a better partner, everything would be perfect, right? Wrong!

Sometimes it’s not about us.

Read the lyrics as you listen to the song. It’s a perfect example of how one emotionally damaged person can hurt and damage the person they profess to care about.

I couldn’t choose, so I’m using them both…

I think this is one of the greatest songs ever written. It’s about a damaged person who chooses to wallow in the pain caused by someone else, and in the process, they’re hurting someone who loves them. I don’t believe that most people make a conscious choice to screw up their relationships, but there are those who do.

If you’re the one who is holding back in your relationship, if your Romeo or Juliet means anything to you, figure out how you got to this place…and deal with it. Counsel with someone. Pour your heart out in a journal. Confide in a good friend (or even your partner). Whatever you need to do to feel free to be completely there, get it done. If you want to be whole, if you want to be happy, and if it’s important to you, it will be worth it.

Learn to let go of whatever it was that hurt you, because that’s quite likely what happened. Whether it was something from your childhood, or a boyfriend or girlfriend who broke your heart in eleventh grade, let it go already. Don’t allow something from your past to ruin your future.

If you’re the one who is with a partner who always holds back, maybe you need to draw a line in the sand. If you want to be with me, you need to step up, take some responsibility here. And then you need to be prepared to make a decision if they’re not willing to do whatever it takes. Are the problems significant enough that you’re miserable all the time? Or is the relationship good enough in other areas that you can get past it and enjoy what you have?

All the romantic gestures in the world don’t mean much if we don’t feel emotionally close to the person making those gestures. Keeping part of yourself off limits to your love robs both of you of the joy you should be experiencing. So if this sounds like you…stop it!

***Photo Credit: KimberMontague

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See you next week for a new tip.

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I’m currently offering a free copy of ‘The Romance Manifesto’ to anyone who is following my blog. If you’re not yet doing so, go ahead and enter your email address near the upper right-hand corner of this page, then shoot me a quick email at kristykjames@gmail.com. I’ll send you the link for a PDF or mobi (Kindle) file. If you’re already following the blog, and would like a copy, let me know, and I’ll get you the links. Thanks for stopping by!

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If you think that any of the suggested tips are a good fit for you, and you decide to give them a try, I’d love to know if you got the results you hoped for.  Although I can’t guarantee you’ll get any results, most people respond well to sweetness, consideration and attention.  Just remember, you will need to exercise some patience, and be consistent.  Anything worth having usually requires effort.

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13 Comments

Filed under Romance

13 responses to “The Cowardly Lion Partner

  1. Wow, KK, this was REALLY good.

    I’ve heard that song maybe a hundred times and never listened to the words. What a sad and tragic song. I can’t imagine the pain experienced by the person who wrote that.

    You have some very wise words in this post. Thanks for taking your time to share them. 🙂

    Have a great weekend!

    • Thanks, MJ. That song is something else, isn’t it? I remember it gave me chills when I first heard it. And I’d guess whoever wrote it had been crushed at some point in their lives.

      You enjoy your weekend, too. I’m loving the start to mine. 6:14 p.m., and it’s 60 degrees. It feels like October (my favorite month). 🙂

      • Fall is my favorite time of year, as well. I love 60 degrees. It’s been hot here – for San Diego. In the mid 80’s. We don’t have a/c at all. Night time is high 60’s.

        Enjoy your respite in the cooler temps.

        • Oh, I’d be in heaven if I could have 60 degrees ten months a year. The other two I’d like 32-with no windchill-and TONS of snow, starting the week before Thanksgiving. Just a flat out 32 is really comfortable. For summer lovers, I’d even be willing to suffer through a couple of months of 75…if there was no humidity. Guess I’m wanting Shangri-La. 🙂

  2. Beautifully said and I love how you use music and the lyrics to really showcase the point. I think we’ve all been there in our lives. Either been holding back or been with someone who was holding back. And you are right, no healthy relationships can survive and thrive in that environment. It takes two people full engaged to have true success. And your suggestions for letting go and setting boundaries are bang on girl!
    GREAT post!
    I would love to read the Romance Manifesto!!! I think you have my email on file?

    • Thanks, Natalie. I love music. For as long as I can remember song lyrics have always affected me strongly, and I believe they speak to a multitude of situations. So I have to admit, I’m in love with YouTube. Especially since I can post the videos in my blog.

      I just sent a link for the manifesto. 🙂

  3. Love both of those songs. It’s so easy to stop yourself from trying a new relationship because of the pain you’ve gone through in a previous one. I know I’ve been guilty of holding myself back in the past. “Love like you’ve never been hurt.” Isn’t that what people say?
    The Meatloaf song is really sad. I can’t imagine what it must be like to hear someone saying those words to me.

    • ‘Love like you’ve never been hurt.’ That’s a great saying, Emma. It would be so great if everyone could do that, wouldn’t it? And I’m with you. To actually hear someone say there’s no way they will ever love you…I just can’t imagine the pain that would cause. 😦

  4. If it struts like a chicken and clucks like a chicken, it probably is a chicken… or Jenny!

    xoxo

  5. Not only is it easy to stop yourself from trying a new relationship, but it can stop you from fixing the one that hurt you. Even if that one is worth fixing. Great post, Kristy. You did a beautiful job at putting it all together. Very poetic with the music.

    • Thanks, Debra. You might have figured out by now that music is something that really speaks to me…which is why I use so much of it. 🙂

      But yes, being hurt can definitely cause issues across the board. You bring up a good point…relationships that are worth fixing. I may use that as the subject of another post. Because I think it is sometimes hard to tell whether a relationship is worth fixing, or if the people are staying in it just because…well for any number of reasons.

  6. So true. Too often we don’t want to do the work needed to repair things, when in the end that would be easier than doing nothing.

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